No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
