sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
