just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
