I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
