So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
