we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
