I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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