Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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