I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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