remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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