i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
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Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
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All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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