my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize