my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
