its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
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