benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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