so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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