remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
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