In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.