youre lurking in front of me
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
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okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
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She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!