We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
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If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.