So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
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I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
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How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking