doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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