Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
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Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
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You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship