Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
