I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
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Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
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You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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