she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
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If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
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That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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