Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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