Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
