you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize