I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
