Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
