Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
