I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
