How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
