so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
