You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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