Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
