Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
