he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
