Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
This baby is an asshole
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
