dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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