who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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