Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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