I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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