He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
