Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Just puked most of my soul out..
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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