I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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