dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
