I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
