I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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