you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
