peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
