Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
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