I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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