Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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