I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
