I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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