I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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