first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
