You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
