I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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