I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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