my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
