im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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