Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
third nipple confirmed
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
