Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
why do cheetos always look like penises
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
