I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
