I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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